The Talk
by SSSP-shhh
Summary: Madara sits Sasuke down for a little chat about life, Itachi... and sex.  No lemons!


**Hey guys! It's M... and B!**

**That's right! Your SSSP authors are collabing together in this epic take on the revelation of Itachi's inner goodness. As B says: "We came up with this at about 1:30 AM. I read the manga out loud, with some minor edits. We went back later and found that Kishimoto really has a dirty mind. Be warned: you will never take what Madara says seriously again."**

**Honestly though... below is a link to the beginning page of where this section came from (Chapter 398, page 10). If you go through and read it, you'll find that not all of the suggestive comments came from our imagination.**

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**Enjoy! And please do keep in mind: This is a fun parody drabble. Not a serious work of literature. Don't get too upset.**

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><p>With some version of the strangled grunt that made Sasuke so much of a hit with the ladies, Sasuke Uchiha awoke. Bound and gagged. Well, not gagged. (Perhaps the gagging would come later?) But you get the point.<p>

Madara Uchiha, dressed in a skin tight black leotard, lounged against the wall. "You awake? I took the... liberty of tying you up. I figured you wouldn't stay still and listen otherwise. Sorry."

His eyes didn't look sorry. But whose would with a bright orange swirly mask and a bound (and bare-chested) Sasuke before them. Then again, bare-chested wasn't really anything special. Sasuke seemed on a mission to loose more and more clothes every day, if his recent outfits were any indication.

"It's a very long story," Madara continued. "But I promise every word of it is true. I have no proof or evidence to offer so you can choose to believe or ignore me." Tight arms clenched as they crossed.

Seeing, quite correctly, that he had no other choice in the matter (he didn't want to be spanked; who knew what kind of fetishes this guy was into considering Sasuke was _tied up_), Sasuke grunted, "Fine, let's hear it."

"Once upon a time, over eighty years ago, there were two powerful clans. The Uchiha and the Senju. Both were envied for their endless power and stamina. Being the epitome of both (as you can see) I led the Uchiha. The Senju were led by Hashirama, the first _ho_kage and the only man I ever fucked. He and his clan were respected... and lusted after. When they made a move, we never turned them down. Our clan was the only one able to stand _up_ to them. Through him doing me, I became pretty famous as well."

Sasuke's eyes stared dully into the distance. He wasn't quite processing Madara's statements. In his mind's eye he saw Itachi. '_To reach even greater heights and to measure my capacity._' What did Madara's monologue have to do with Itachi and himself?

"Then the Senju approached and proposed a truce. The Uchiha accepted their proposal."

With wary eyes, Sasuke watched as Madara's muscled arms clenched even tighter under superman-like clothing. Mmm... Muscle. (Clearly, Madara must have drugged him as well as tied him up. Sasuke felt the previously-mentioned gag was coming soon.)

"Both our clans were fed up with the constant fucking. The Uchihas had had enough of bottoming. I was the lone voice of dissension."

Seeing as Sasuke was completely unable to voice proper speech patterns, he tilted his head to the side and thought bubble'd '...?'. Unfortunately, because this was real life and even Madara couldn't read minds, it went unnoticed.

"The Senju and Uchiha were like dick and hand. It would never work. I was adamant that the Senju would fuck us all over, but as their leader, I had to submit. Thus the fire country was formed and peace was born. But then the Leaf itself was _thrust_ into chaos because of a certain incident.

Although unsure about where this was heading, Sasuke voiced his curiosity. "What was it?"

"The choice of Hashirama as the first Hokage. It was clear to me that the Senju would eventually _strip_ the Uchiha of their rights, power, and clothes. I knew we had to stand up to them, but they all thought I was just trying to re-ignite the old flames of lust and they bent over to the Senju."

Sasuke was out of his depth. His eyes flitted down the floor as he ground down against it.

"They came to despise me, painting me as a lustful bastard. All I wanted was protection from the hurt! Betrayed and dickless, I abandoned the village. I _challenged_ the village by myself. And lost. Thus, the Valley of the _End_. I faded from all's memories but I never forgot _him_ and what _they_ did to us. The next Hokage gave the Uchiha _special_ roles to prevent such an _accident_ from happening again. The Uchiha forever were the Senju's "playthings". AKA: Sex toys."

Through a bursting nosebleed, Sasuke shrieked, "I thought this was about my brother, not about SEX!"

"Oh." Madara adjusted his mask after a pause. "Oops. I pressed the wrong monologue button."

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><p><strong>So... yeah... Hope you enjoyed it... Whatever it is! Please review! And thanks for reading!<strong>

**B and M out bitches!**


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